


The very bad week of the Mighty Vampire Zakuro

by bunnyfication



Category: Saiyuki
Genre: Alternate Universe - Vampire, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-10-14
Updated: 2011-10-14
Packaged: 2017-10-24 14:41:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 914
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/264638
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bunnyfication/pseuds/bunnyfication
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It hasn't been a good week for Zakuro and his latest snack is not impressed. And what about the mild mannered man with an umbrella?</p>
            </blockquote>





	The very bad week of the Mighty Vampire Zakuro

It was a dark and stormy night...well, a bit windy, anyway.  
Dark clouds were driven across the sky, revealing the full moon only in glimpses. Somewhere in the distance wolves were howling at the moon, either because they liked it, or because it bugged them. No one has ever deemed to ask.  
In the most remote parts of this dark forest there was a castle, with crumbling stone walls and sharp, knife like spires. From there, if one listened closely, an ominous laughter could be heard...

"Whuhahaha...So what do you say now! Surely now you fear the Terror of Shangri-La, bloodsucking Kiang-Shi and the Penanggalan who brings terror to the hearts of men and youkai alike, mighty vampire Zakuro!"

After this somewhat confusing reclamation, the mighty vampire Zakuro proceeded to jump unto the table and pose menacingly. The bats living under the high ceiling thought it a threat to their young and decided to attack, which sadly ruined the impressive pose.  
His current guest leaned on the bars of his cage, and raised an eyebrow. "Sure...I'm really scared now. At least now I get those frayed edges, I thought you just had a really bad tailor, or something."

Self dubbed terror of Shangri-La glared at him from the midst of his fight with the enraged bats.

"How dare you insult my stylish coat, you cur...back of, you overgrown mice with wings! Look in my eyes: You can no longer fly!"

The floor was instantly cowered by a carpet of non-flying bats, one falling into the soup bowl with a small splash.

"Well, that's better" said the vampire and dusted of his admittedly stylish black coat lined with red satin, unfortunately a bit more frayed at the edges from yet another bat-attack.

He looked at his current guest, who had dropped his head into his hands and was shaking. With fear?  
No, he was laughing, that insolent creature...  
Mighty vampire Zakuro dropped into his seat and...was very displeased (someone unrespectful might have described the expression as a pout, but clearly vampires never do that).

But even if it had been, it should be remembered that even vampires have bad weeks, and this had been a particularly awful one for vampire Zakuro. Not many people passed this way, due to the wildness of the forest and general lack of tourist attractions. However, this week all of three lone travelers had stumbled upon Zakuro's castle, and yet he was no more nourished.

The first one had been a blond man, apparently on some highly important mission. He smoked like a chimney and drank most of vampire Zakuro's stock of liquors (meant for the "dinner quests" you see...) without it having that much effect. Finally Zakuro had had to use his powers to make him fall asleep. Well, he'd thought, while leaning on the humans shoulders to take a bite, at least the man had nice skin, smooth and a delicious creamy shade, even if it smelled like smoke...and something else burnt, like flesh?

Zakuro brushed one more clingy bat of his coat and inspected his blistered palms forlornly. Really, priests these days...they didn't use to be so dangerous, or have holy scarves of all things. Lucky that he'd managed to send that one on it's way without any further damage. Not that he couldn't have won! He just hadn't felt like fighting crazy priests that day.

Then there had been that kid...and what kind of insane person ate raw garlic, no matter how hungry they were?

And then there was the third one. Like Zakuro's grandfather used to say: 'Disrespectful food is as inedible to a vampire, as if it were served in garlic and holy water sauce.' This one, as appealingly blood colored as his hair and eyes might be, was nothing but disrespectful. Utterly unappetizing.

Just as the vampire was contemplating how to impress his snack, the doorbell rang, with a low ominous sound.

"That's a nice doorbell, very cheerful" the snack commented.

Zakuro ignored him and hurried down the stairs, slowing his gait when he saw that his visitor had already opened the big door, and was peering inside.

"Excuse me? Is anyone home?" inquired a mild voice.

Vampire Zakuro puffed his chest.

"Certainly! You must have gotten lost in the dark wood, poor man, but fear not, for you have found the castle of the von Zakuro's who..." A clattering from upstairs interrupted his monologue.

The unknown visitor had stepped inside, and his green eyes flickered towards the sound very quickly, before returning to Zakuro.

"Pets?" The man asked, smiling placidly.

"Uh...yes, just a moment..." After he had silenced the other one with a quick hypnosis, and as an afterthought covered the cage with a tablecloth, Zakuro returned to the hall.

His newest guest was inspecting the handrail, which had a very grimly stylish pike design, thought time had unfortunately loosened the poles somewhat.

When Zakuro returned, the man straightened and smiled at him again. He rather reminded the vampire of a schoolteacher he'd eaten once.

"Interesting work." the Possibly-a-schoolteacher said, nodding towards the handrail.

"Yes, the castle has a very original design, my grandfather made some of it himself." Zakuro explained proudly.

"Oh, really?" At least this one seemed to know when to be appropriately impressed.

"Well, if you would just follow me."

As Zakuro started to walk up the stairs, his intended victim following him trustingly, swinging an umbrella behind his back.

**Author's Note:**

> This was my third posted fic ever, so it's quite old, but I still kind of like it despite everything.


End file.
